Let’s see how this goes...

I am in the middle of moving and it is giving me anxiety. My life is changing and getting better but the weight of it all is overwhelming. My school work is piling on and I need to kick my depression's ass because I am getting left behind. I like overworking myself to avoid pain and now it's only bringing me more pain. I started doing things to take care of myself more and I am still trying to find things I enjoy.  More things I find enjoyable: training and cuddling with Squish finding a pair of pants that actually fit coming up with my own recipe for dishes I already enjoy seeing people be in love  I have spent quite some time alone with my thoughts and I always ask myself questions when I do this... like: "Am I satisfied with life?" "What do I really need and what do I just want?" "Are all things temporary?" "Is this healthy for me?"-this is the one I have been asking myself the most. I keep overthinking every...

A lot of things have changed in my life. School started and I took on an extra class to get this process going. I have had to relocate which has been terribly difficult for me and I also removed people out of my life abruptly. I never thought I feared loneliness until maybe now. My therapist asked me if I have a fear of being alone and I asked myself this all the time because I honestly don't know. I do a lot of things alone, and I try to spend a good portion of my day alone. I grocery shop, and shop in general alone. I can walk into a restaurant and say "for one" or I politely sit at the bar alone. I've been able to do this calmly without angst for over three years now. I even went to FYF in 2017 all alone. (I saw fucking Frank Ocean LIVE!) I have to admit the first day I just sat and realized I wanted to talk to someone, so I did. If I don't want to be alone then I change it, and if I want to be alone, I change that too. But lately, I feel as if I have no cho...