Let’s see how this goes...

                I'm not a great writer; sometimes I don't think I am a good one. I doubt myself a lot because I fear mediocrity the most. Most of the time when I post a poem, it's because I am feeling bold after writing it in 2 minutes. Many poems sit unfinished in my notes app. Ideas sit in my brain and never see the light of day. Sometimes I think the words in my mind are more beautiful than what I present. I stunt myself creatively because this fear consumes me. I realized recently that this is still attached to my ego. Ego and pride will be the death of us all. I am writing this today because I woke up and realized that I need to just do it. I need to just delve into the depths of myself and simply write. I usually have an editor help me (shoutout to Giana!), but today it's just me, my shitty punctuation, and my unprofessional sentence structures.                I've been putting off writing th...

I know it’s been a while since I’ve updated this blog (over 2 years to be exact), but I’ve been pretty occupied with starting over. There’s so much to share, and I hope I can be as concise as possible! So here’s my retelling of what it took for me to leave Phoenix and make my way to Portland, Oregon.  Those who know me from when I was living in Arizona may know that it was my time to leave. I had already planned on leaving once I reached a good stopping point with school. The desert exhausted me. I never got used to that kind of heat.  (My first time in Portland)                                      I visited Portland twice in 2018. Once in January, and immediately after in February. During the coldest months here, I fell in love. It was cold, wet, muddy, and the sky was this misty lunar blue at 9:18 pm. I drove around and would fantasize about what my life could look ...

I apologize for how long it has taken me to write this finally. Truthfully, it’s hard to remember everything in complete detail, which is how I usually like to explain things. I mean, I am a poet. However, I will tell you in fact how I got my ketamine treatments and how you can too.  I went to Mountain View Headache and Spine in Central Phoenix and their website is here !  I have AHCCCS so the process can be a little longer but I am sure most places require a referral.  I have talked about how I survived cruel and unusual punishment before which resulted in me developing BPD, PTSD, and Fibromyalgia. I have done a lot of therapy and psychical therapy to help with my pain. I currently go to Spooner Physical Therapy and that’s where I received the referral for the Ketamine treatments. Exactly a minute after I left my appointment they gave me a call and scheduled an appointment. The building is right next to my PT office and is a “Medical Mall” so it is easy to find and...

“The longest goodbye” A multimedia simulation of what my healing process has felt like for me as I mourn the childhood I lost and the relationship I ended with my parents, AKA my abusers.  By Yedid Perez ~ a memoir from a disabled hoe ~ I want to set up the scene I tried to create on Saturday night. However, I was 20 minutes late, did everything the day of, and forgot key aspects of my presentation. Like a true ADHD legend, I forgot everything but somehow managed to execute what I was trying to convey looking almost flawless. I used a hot pink table cloth as a symbol of the intimacy I am learning for myself. When I pray using a pink candle I am asking my Santisima to award me back that love I need to give myself. The kind of love that won’t turn me away from looking at myself in the mirror. I forgot my candles but luckily H.ESS saved the day with home smelly decor candles. I had 3 different photos in frames.  The stand-alone frame had a picture of me and my mom on what loo...