DISCLAIMER: Sensitive content and A LOT of grammatical errors
I think it is necessary to talk about myself? So, I just turned 21 in May, and it hasn't been as fun for me as it has been for my friends. I am also the super broke friend. But, I have also spiraled into a dark pit of being VERY anti-social, and I have been very influenced to be this way. In May I also got a beautiful baby boy pug named Squish and let me tell you... HE IS EVERYTHING! He just turned four months and he is all I have ever wanted, like, literally. When I was younger I would ask my parents every year for my birthday to get a pug but the answer was always no. So dramatic ol' me would throw a fit on the floor by crying for maybe an hour every year.
I work as a child care provider and I take care of infants, I am pretty happy with my job but I still find myself dreading it every morning. I know right now in my life my depression is slowly taking full control of my body. I find almost nothing enjoyable and it is so hard to want to do my fucking laundry. When I was 12, I was diagnosed with AD-HD, manic depression, and anxiety. Then right around the time after I turned 20 they told me I had borderline personality disorder(BPD), and it has been a roller coaster since then. When I was younger I used to have awful manic episodes and I always imagined that as I grew older it would get better but the complete opposite has happened.
I do not live at home anymore and that has been one of the best things to happen to me. I have a better relationship with my family now but man. Moving out is really an eye-opener for doing this "adult" thing. I don't ever feel 21 sometimes. Sometimes I feel 19, and most times I feel somewhere around 27. In no way do I have ANYTHING figured out but like most girls, I grew up incredibly fast.
I am a hopeless romantic and I am a pansexual lil baby. I have had many loves, many loses, and many more experiences to come in life. I will most likely talk about all of them too. I am comfortable talking about most things that pertain to me, and If I didn't, then maybe starting a blog would've been dumb. But, luckily I talk for an entire room (The room that is my mind with all my emotions screaming at me like Inside Out). I don't want to just talk about my trauma, mental health, or sappy things.
Recently, I came back from a four day trip to New Orleans, I stayed in this hostel and the first night we got high with the host. Later during the stay, he took us all around New Orleans, and fuck, it is beautiful. I never wanted to leave and I still think about gumbo and beignets every. single. day. New Orleans isn't in America to me. It is like walking into the Twilight Zone where every corner is different, anything can happen, and there are so many stories.
So as I continue to dream about seafood while watching Naruto, I will end this here. I realize that this is just as scattered as my mind is at the moment. To be quite honest, I had an "episode" last night and I keep having awkward vivid dreams. So cheers to the mother-fucking weekend.
I work as a child care provider and I take care of infants, I am pretty happy with my job but I still find myself dreading it every morning. I know right now in my life my depression is slowly taking full control of my body. I find almost nothing enjoyable and it is so hard to want to do my fucking laundry. When I was 12, I was diagnosed with AD-HD, manic depression, and anxiety. Then right around the time after I turned 20 they told me I had borderline personality disorder(BPD), and it has been a roller coaster since then. When I was younger I used to have awful manic episodes and I always imagined that as I grew older it would get better but the complete opposite has happened.
I do not live at home anymore and that has been one of the best things to happen to me. I have a better relationship with my family now but man. Moving out is really an eye-opener for doing this "adult" thing. I don't ever feel 21 sometimes. Sometimes I feel 19, and most times I feel somewhere around 27. In no way do I have ANYTHING figured out but like most girls, I grew up incredibly fast.
I am a hopeless romantic and I am a pansexual lil baby. I have had many loves, many loses, and many more experiences to come in life. I will most likely talk about all of them too. I am comfortable talking about most things that pertain to me, and If I didn't, then maybe starting a blog would've been dumb. But, luckily I talk for an entire room (The room that is my mind with all my emotions screaming at me like Inside Out). I don't want to just talk about my trauma, mental health, or sappy things.
Recently, I came back from a four day trip to New Orleans, I stayed in this hostel and the first night we got high with the host. Later during the stay, he took us all around New Orleans, and fuck, it is beautiful. I never wanted to leave and I still think about gumbo and beignets every. single. day. New Orleans isn't in America to me. It is like walking into the Twilight Zone where every corner is different, anything can happen, and there are so many stories.
So as I continue to dream about seafood while watching Naruto, I will end this here. I realize that this is just as scattered as my mind is at the moment. To be quite honest, I had an "episode" last night and I keep having awkward vivid dreams. So cheers to the mother-fucking weekend.
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